Friday, December 7, 2007

My Gym Partner's an Asshole

I guess the update I just posted took a lot longer to write than I imagined. You just can't get me started on anything.

What I really wanted to write about today was my feelings on co-ed gyms.

For the past few weeks, I've been working out over my lunch break at the gym in my office building. It's a good opportunity to get off my ass in the middle of the day and work in 30 minutes of good cardio on the elliptical machine or stair-climber. The result: I have a new favorite habit.

The one thing I don't like about it is the men.

It's not that I don't like men - I mean, send 'em on over - but there's something about guys in gyms that just pisses me off. I don't think they mean to do it; I'm pretty sure they're just trying to be as unassuming as me. But for the most part, I think they're a little too into it, like they own the place.

For example - when I went in yesterday, there was a guy (a really hot guy, really cut) running on the treadmill. I took my position near him at the elliptical, and I just kept getting the feeling that he was staring me down. In fact I know he was staring me down because I caught him doing it a couple of times. I'm not going to be brazen enough to think that he might have been attracted to me: hell, I was all ass in my black pants and white Hanes v-neck. I looked at my reflection in the window and considered the attraction thing for a sec, then I watched my hips jiggle around as I pushed it. No way he was interested - I was totally out of his league.

At best, he probably thought, "Wow, she's fat - but it's good to see her trying to do something about it." At worst, he thought, "I'd rather not see that when I'm working out, but at least it's motivation. Man, I never wanna look like that."

But it's not the treadmill guys I can't stand - it's the weight room guys. At this gym, it's all in one room, so about 20 feet away is some guy who's flexing in the mirror.

There's nothing wrong with weight-lifting, but some of these guys need help. I believe there's nothing more unattractive than an over-toned man. You know? Some guy whose veins pop out of his wrist when he takes a sip of juice. Really? I think it oozes insecurity. There's got to be something in him that makes him think he'll never be good enough.

I've seen this in studies, or at least, I've conducted my own studies. I've gone out with 3 guys with perfectly cut abs. Perfect. You could crack nuts on 'em. Each one was obsessed with working out, obsessed with talking about working out, and obsessed with themselves. I've since made it a rule to be wary of all men with washboard abs. They just can't be seen with an imperfect woman. They'll go wild for you in private, but fuck if they'll let you meet their friends.

I guess what brings me to the topic is another thing I witnessed yesterday. I was the only one left in the room with a guy who was lifting. In the window's reflection, I could see him practically climbing the walls in that corner, trying to fit in every kind of lift known to man. When I finished up and came out of the locker room, this guy was trying to lift himself between two stair-climbers. Seriously. He was doing push-ups suspended from the handles of two unstable devices. We made eye-contact, and I just rolled my eyes. What the fuck are you doing? Is it that goddamned important to get that lift in? Jesus Christ!

And these guys grunt, and they play Metallica, and they play Metallica. And. they. play. Metallica. I'm sorry, but that just screams insecurity to me. And date rape. Enter Sandman has passed it's peak, fellas.

I guess I've been spoiled. I've enjoyed a membership at the all-women Curves for going on 4 years, and I didn't realize how much I loved it. Now, I don't like talking to the women all that much; I'm there to work out. But it's so much better than dealing with machismo and male insecurity.

So there's that,


1 comment:

Rita said...

I hear ya sista! Men with too much testosterone make me want to gag myself with a spoon!