Thursday, December 27, 2007

Gag Me

I just got back from an endodontist - he's going to give me a root canal on one of my back teeth. This guy was kind of creepy though. He's the kind of dentist that asks you questions to make you feel guilty. As in, "How did your tooth get this bad?" "I'm not a good flosser?" "And...?" "I don't brush very well?" "Tell me, do you gag when you brush your back teeth?" "No?" "So it's not difficult for you to brush back there?" "Yeah? I mean, no? I mean, yeah, I can brush back there."

What do you want me to tell you, guy? You clearly know the answer already, so why the fuck do you need to string me along? Of course I'm a bad brusher! Of course I'm a bad flosser! Why would I come to you with this problem if I'm not? Son of a bitch.

"Well, I can fix it, but the question is whether it's worth fixing. There's enough tooth left for a crown, sure, but once you have that crown are you going to take care of it?" "I guess I have to."

Why the fuck do you care? You're getting paid for it, brother. This isn't fucking Judge Judy; I don't need you to advise me on how rotten my life is (teeth are) and what I have to do to change. You're getting paid to fix my problem, and you know what? If I don't take care of it after that, then that's my shit. Oh well. New shoes for your dog.

He was also VERY touchy. While he was telling me what was wrong with the tooth, he caressed my cheek. Yep. It was pretty intimate. He put his hand on my cheek, rubbed it not softly, looked in my eyes, and said, "Tell the truth." It was offputting. He rubbed my bicep the same way, too. Needless to say, I won't opt to be put unconscious in his care.

To his benefit, though, he did have a Garbage Pail Kids poster of RUTH Canal. Well played, Dr. Crane. Well played.

So there's that,


1 comment:

mkieper said...

If you do get "put under", just make sure you know if your shirt was tucked or untucked.