I talked to my mom last night, and she wants to get me a Shake Weight:
The weight that makes you better at giving hand jobs.
She says to me, she says, "No, Laura...this woman I work with - she's probably 3 times bigger than you - she's been using it and it WORKS!"
Mom always talks about this 3xLaura coworker. I think she made her up to always have an example:
"This woman I work with - she's 3 times your size - she's been eating Slim Fast bars..."
"This woman I work with - she's like, 3 of you - she lost weight on shakes..."
"This woman I work with - she's a total land yacht - she's gonna die soon."
I think before surgery, mom told me this woman had surgery and failed. She was mom's cautionary tale. "If you do this, you better not fail it like 3XL did." Who knows? I just don't listen to her.
I told Mom that though I'm sure the shake weight does something useful, it's a total handjob trainer. Still, she offered to pick one up for me if she saw at Wal-Mart. I think she's trying to turn me out.
So there's that,