I'm flying to San Francisco in October for a weeklong conference. It's the BIG DEAL all year long for my organization, so at the end we're all breathing a sigh of relief.
For my big sigh, I'm staying in town three extra nights for a mini vacation. And the best part? My pallie Christie is flying in from Las Vegas (where she lives now) and joining me! We're going to, as I say, "give San Francisco blue balls."
We just booked a little Euro-style hotel for less than 200 smackers for the whole weekend, so we're a little excited. I decided to post some of the best exclamations that have come out of our emails. Please to enjoy.
- PS, we can probably get crabs there, if you catch my drift.
- I don't need no steenking television! We can make shadow puppets!
- I'mma need to pack a bunch of uppers! Let's just do meth all weekend to get the most out of it.
- Do you realize how much fucking fun we're going to have? Do you?
- I can't wait until I'm tipsy and try to go to bed at night, but realize I have to pee like 20 times and have to keep going out into the hallway bathroom to tinkle.
- 'cept I ain't going back Chicagy way till Sunday!
- I can't wait to share a bathroom with strangers. Do you think we'll make lifelong friends on this journey? I'll have to leave a few pubes in the tub for them to remember me by.
- Girl, you know we're gettin' seafood, right? I'm sick of this midwest bubba gumpery.
- I wanna see flayed ducks and pigs hanging from windows. I wanna see Jet Li in a street fight.
- We should have a picnic on that hill in front of Danny Tanner's house, like they do in the opening credits to Full House. Better yet, we should film our own shot for shot reenactment of that opening sequence. Right? Right.
- We should find a shady store that has a secret back room full of knock-off designer handbags.
- I can smell the pleather Gucci bags and taste the dumplings as we speak!
- I wanna buy a mogwai from an oriental.
- You what else I can't wait for? To take a gigantic dump in the shared bathroom.
- I can't wait to get drunk and walk the streets with you just like old times. REALLY MARGE?!
- every time i get an email about this trip, i clap my hands together like a baby seal! OR OR OR!
- Everytime I get an email about this trip I fart in a jar and close the lid and then open it and smell it later.
How effing excited am I? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
So there's that,