There's nothing I love more about spring than that feeling you get when you look at other women's bare legs and think, "Why can't that be me?"
I'm not a dyke or anything, I just have Meyer calves, and that means big. I have big-ass calves, like pistons, to go with my big ass. Don't get me wrong, I love who I am, I just hate my body.
Hoodia will help that.
That's right. The other Fat-tastic Funnies and I started a weight-loss challenge for the next three months. I decided to approach this diet like all the diets my mom put me on when I was a kid - by taking magic pills! Only this time it will be different. This won't be any of those other, failed diets; it's gonna be a lifestyle change. And hopefully one that keeps my heart murmuring like Phen-Fen did back in junior high!
So yesterday, I overhauled my fridge by throwing out empty cardboard pudding boxes and rotting lettuce and replacing it with new boxes and fresh spinach. If you've been to my place, you know I keep a lot of food on hand because I'm a foodie who loves to cook, and I have a compulsion to buy food every week - no matter if I need it or not. Yesterday that compulsion cost me 72 bucks and some change. I put it on credit, because credit cards are made for compulsive habits - at least that's what my mom taught me :)
I bought some Hoodia, too, just to speed up the process. Some of my most successful diets were done with a scientific balance of portion control, exercise, and pills: Xenadrine was my friend the last time I lost 100 lbs, but once I stopped exercise and portion control, my weight just sky-rocketed. Thanks, City of Chicago, for making me bright-eyed and fat-thighed upon my move here! We'll see how far ol' Hoodie can take me for now.
So here's my stats:
Weight: I won't tell, but the highest in my life was 340, and the lowest was 230. I'm not above my highest, and I'm not below my lowest, but my ultimate goal is 180. Percentage-wise I aim to lose 15% of my current weight before the first week in August!
Goal: To have a more active and rewarding late twenties than my early twenties. To reach ultimate goal by 27.
Danger Zones: Everything below the waist, and my Arm Danglies.
Danger Snacks: Fruit Roll-Ups (fresh or frozen), Strawberry Gushers (fresh or frozen), Haribo Gummi Bears, Guacamole.
Danger Behavior: Avoiding social interaction, serial dating, and denying trauma.
Healthy Treats: Hummus (stay tuned for my recipes), Chicken Salad, Shrimp Salad, Fresh Smoothies, Fiber One Bars, Skinny Chai Latte, Frozen Grapes, and all kinds of fruit sorbets (esp. Raspberry and Blood Orange).
Healthy Behavior: Excercising regularly, walking to the shore, and seeking new hobbies - this month: roller-skating!
Hobbies: Reading food history books, gastro-economic books, developing recipes, cooking for others, excercise and singing.
That's all of me for now. Happy Dieting!
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