Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Suck and Blow

You know what I'm pretty much done with? A list:

  • My neighbors. who. smoke. And it comes through the walls so I can faintly smell it when I come into the kitchen. Does the indoor smoking ban in Chicago extend to apartment buildings????
  • My various neighbors. who. smoke. pot. And the smell comes through my walls, and into the hallway. Then the smell of nag champa later on. Seriously? Last night my hallway smelled like an opium den.
  • I know this is probably a big middle finger to some readers, but I'm pretty much done with adults who smoke pot; moreover, with adults who still smoke it like they're getting back at the man, for the minute thrill of breaking the law and getting away with it. Then they light incense to cover it up. If you were a real badass, you would smoke it on the street so you could really risk getting caught. I just don't get that culture. Marijuana doesn't make you part of an elite counterculture. Yeah I'm addicted to food, but I'd rather that than something I have to pay a high overhead for a very little amount. No pun intended. Seriously - how can people afford drugs?
  • Excessive horn-honking. What the hell?! We know you're annoyed the first time you honk at the guy in front of you for missing the perfectly good opportunity to make a left turn that narrowly avoids the oncoming drivers; by the fifth time, it's just pointless. I just want to bang on your windows when I'm walking by and yell "HONK!HONK!HONK!"
  • Moms who cross the street with a baby in the stroller, and a toddler tagging along...when the light is about to turn green. Let's get this straight: It's okay for me to cross the street when the hand is flashing; I have nothing to live for. But when you drag your babies into it, then I don't see why the state hasn't visited your home yet.
  • The 148 bus. Why can't there be less crowded ones when I want them?
  • Washing out my stinky sports bra. I need, like, 3 more to put into the rotation.
  • Starbucks. It really isn't all that great. Now Lavazza on the other hand....I had a latte there the other day that I can't stop thinking about.
  • Madonna. I'm just not interested anymore.
  • Top 40 radio. I hear the same 6-8 songs every hour, and "Low" (Flo-Rida featuring T-Pain) at least 5 times every hour. I used to be able to get down with shorty in her apple bottom jeans and boots with the fur, but now I'm getting a little tired of the whole charade.
  • American Idol's David Archuletta. I can only take so many "inspirational performances" from each contestant. You used up all yours at least 6 episodes ago. By the way - is this the same kid who at the audition said he used to have scarred vocal chords and was afraid he could never sing again? Or something like that? And they found out back then that what he described wasn't a real ailment? I HATE this kid.
  • Undercover investigations from the local news shows. You'd think they'd be more interesting in Chicago, but they're not.
  • Skechers. Why is it your sporty mary janes end up being my smelliest shoes, within 3 weeks of wear? I had to pumice the smell off my feet the other night. I'll never buy another pair again.
  • Nike - why do all your tennis shoes have to be so HUGE? I feel like I'm wearing a foam brick on my feet. And the only streamlined shoes you have are for casual wear!
  • Chicago sales tax. It's around and above 10%. And I can't go to the suburbs every time I make a major purchase. That's why I'm shopping online...
  • People talking to me in the work bathroom while I'm trying to take a dump. Sure, they don't know that's what I'm doing, but it still interrupts my concentration.

Had to get that off my chest.

So there's that,

Laura

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