I think I just found my new favorite website:
I didn't feel the earth quake this morning, but I woke up to my phone vibrating about five minutes afterward. I let it go to voicemail, only to find later that it was Mom asking if I felt the earthquake. Which is kind of sweet.
Then I couldn't fall back asleep, so I watched the morning news. All they could talk about was this earthquake, and they just kept taking calls from people describing their experiences.
4 out of 10 thought it was one of their kids shaking the bed.
5 out of 10 thought it was their spouse trying to get laid.
1 out of 10 thought it was a slumber fart.
So I drifted back off to sleep and dreamt about an earthquake, a failed audition where I couldn't physically bring myself to speak (even though I came up with a great one-liner), and a trip in a Chicago Police Department box truck when I couldn't get a cab back to my parents' house in Bretzville.
I tell ya, when you take hydrocodone for menstrual cramps, it can really fuck with your head. What? They were left over from my wisdom toof.
Bee tee dubs, I'm getting my haircut tomorrow. Think I'm going Mandy Moore:
Though, I think I really just want to look like this picture in general.
So there's that,