Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Missed Opportunity for a Backhand Slap

I just went down to the front desk to pick up a gym pass for my lunchtime workout.  Every time I go, the ladies at the desk know exactly what I'm there for, because I only come for the pass, oh, every fricken day.  On days when they have Tootsie Rolls or Pops in the candy dish, I usually grab one or two of those, too.
There was this older woman there talking to the receptionists, and when they were signing out a pass for me, I said in my best Mae West impersonation, while digging in the candy dish, "I've come for a gym pass and some Tootsies."
Then this woman standing by said, "Well if you're getting a gym pass, you shouldn't be eating the candy."
Fuck you.
So I says to her, I says, "Well, if I burn 500 calories every time I go to the gym, I figure a couple pieces of candy can't hurt."  Snap!  The scorpion begins its dance.
She looked at me as if she didn't know what to say, then the main receptionist gets my back.  "Tootsie Rolls are fat free."  Which the other lady - this, this interloper - finds surprising.  "Oh really....?"
I pocketed my pass and walked away.  Fuck that bitch.
I don't this an oversensitive response?  I get really ticked off at that kind of judgment or "advice."  I swear I wanted to say, "Bitch I do this everyday.  My goddamn doctor says I'm like Michael-fucking-Jordan, so don't worry about my candy/excercise balance."
Or just choke her.
Bleh!  Begone, negative emotions!
Note:  In the time it took me to get back to my desk and dash off this email, I've already crunched down the Tootsie Pop, which I normally savor.  In this case, it really did take 3 licks to get to the center of Tootsie Pop.  This has ruined my treat.
So there's that,

1 comment:

mkieper said...

After the fat free/oh really comment...your next line could have been...Yes, and they are a perfect size for an enema...would you please turn around so I can shove them up your fucking ass? God it's comments like that, that turn me into a people hater really fast. Which normally sends the tune sung by Albert Finney "I hate people, people hate me" from the Movie Scrooge straight to my head.