Thursday, January 24, 2008

I'm Not Josie Grossie Anymore!

I'll admit it: I love chick flicks.

And I'm not just talking about socially-acceptable chick flicks like Pretty Woman, Sixteen Candles and Dirty Dancing - I'm talking about any movie geared toward female adults, teens, tweens and children. Seriously? If Drew Barrymore or Julia Stiles or even Hillary Duff are in an overly-pink movie, I will watch it. If not in the theater, then in the comfort and judgment-free shelter of my studio apartment.

Bee Tee Dubs (as in BTW or By The Way), I don't even like Dirty Dancing. I saw it for the first time when I was 18, and I thought it was a piece of crap. But if it's on TV, I'll watch it. AND I don't even like Julia Stiles or Hillary Duff, but I'm drawn to their films.

Is there something wrong with me? Why do I know the plotline of the Lizzie McGuire Movie?

(Lizzie and Gordo go on a class trip to Italy, where she meets a guy who happens to be an Italian pop superstar who uses her uncanny resemblance to his old duo partner to catapult him back into fame.)

Why do I have a favorite line from Never Been Kissed?

(I got hot weiners!)

Why do I cry at the end of A Cinderella Story?

(Because Austin Ames runs off the field at the last minute of the most crucial football game of his high school career to kiss Sam Montgomery aka "Diner Girl" before she could leave. Then it starts raining. The drought is over...in more ways than one!)

Why do I always pop in the VHS cassette of Ever After every time I come home to Indiana, even though I know it's syrupy and awful?

(Because I know how it ends, and I can fall asleep to what I know.)

Why do I know the "Brr, It's Cold in Here" cheer from Bring It On?

(Because the movie is actually really funny, and I've committed bits of the entire movie to memory. "Prepare for total annihilation...")

Why do I have a crush on the guy who played Prince Edvard in The Prince and Me?

(Because he's fucking hot. HAWT. And Julia Stiles doesn't deserve to be associated with him.)

I know Save the Last Dance is a gross exploitation of MTV's idea of black culture, so why do I continue to watch it?

(Because I secretly want to be able to dance like that.)

What could I possibly gain from seeing every J. Lo movie?

(Oh, I don't know, maybe how to fight my abusive husband like she did in Enough; or maybe that I should slow down and realize love - however inconceivable - is within reach, like she did in The Wedding Planner; or maybe that if you believe in yourself and make key alliances, any woman - even a hotel housekeeper from Queens - can land a dashing politician and change the world.)

Whew.

I do draw some lines. Yeah, I don't like Julia Stiles (Pumpkinface) and I think Hillary Duff fucked up her looks something fierce since her Lizzie McGuire Days:



Wholesome v. Horseface



But I will not bring myself to submit to a battery of Sandra Bullock movies. With the exception of Miss Congeniality - I mean, who hasn't seen that? I'm talking Hope Floats and The Lake House. Though I have seen Ya-Ya Sisterhood and Two Weeks Notice. Fuck.

Who am I kidding?! I can't keep myself from chick flicks. I'm trying to think of CF stars that I can't watch (Natalie Portman, Keira Knightley), but I've seen some of their movies...and enjoyed them. Except Keira. I liked Bend It Like Beckham, but I appreciated her Indian co-star more and I'll never understand why Keira is so much more famous. I haven't seen her other movies - even the Pirates Trilogy, and I don't want to. I guess.

I just need to get this off my chest. Is this abnormal for a 26-year-old woman? Maybe I'm a lot like Britney Spears in Crossroads: I'm not a girl, but not yet a woman.

Until then, I'll have a new generation of movies from Miley Cyrus and Dakota Fanning to help me figure it all out.

So there's that,

Laura

1 comment:

manda said...

Bee Tee Dubs Laura, I think you should attach the Britney video you made (you know, the bathtub and french fry one). Too funny not to share!