Thursday, February 21, 2008

Lap Dance

I'm a bad patient.

I had a doctor's appointment yesterday, but I was supposed to get a fasting blood test last month so that we could discuss my thyroid health. I kept putting it off until it was too late, but I went to my normal appointment anyway to waste the guy's time.

I was looking forward to my weigh-in, hoping I was within 2 pounds of last week's successful digits. Wrong. Waaayyyy wrong. In-the-wrong-way wrong.

I showed a gain of seven (7) pounds since Friday. B'guh? How is that even possible? I ate my regular diet, excercised. I dined out more than usual, 3 times - VD, Friday lunch and Sunday dinner - didn't clean my plate on all occasions. Even so, with everything else normal, how can I gain THAT MUCH in such a short time?

I'm kicking myself the whole time I'm waiting in the examination room. I'm thinking about every morsel that went into my mouth, like someone recounting their sexual exploits before hearing the result of their AIDS test. I feel like such fucking punk - I wanted to show progress at this appointment.

So I cry. I'm trying to explain myself to the doctor, swearing that I was 7 pounds lighter just 5 days ago, coming across like the guy with the singing and dancing frog on that WB cartoon: "I got this frog in this box that sings and dances! Only for me! You gotta believe me!"

The doctor looks at me helplessly and asks if I've considered bariatric surgery.

God damnit. He's asked me this on nearly every visit. He insists that the studies involving weight loss medication aren't conclusive. My first time with him, he told me point blank that he'd recommend surgery before pills.

"Ugh...sniff...yes I have, but I don't want excess skin, and I like being creative with food." The thought of parsing out my meals in liquids and proteins over several weeks does not interest me in the least.

"Well, what would disappoint you more: failing to lose weight and remaining this way, or dealing with excess skin?"


So I left the office promising to get my blood tested over the weekend, and thinking about bariatric surgery. I was rolling along being all positive and shit, and then he tells me this business again.

I don't know, is it worth considering at the end of the year? I vowed last year to lose this weight, and I remained the same. Is the same stuff going to keep happening over and over again until I will pass up any opportunity to live like a "normal" woman in her twenties? I'm 26 - I have spent 75% of my life being chubby, overweight or obese. I don't want to waste anymore time!

If anything, I can consider - again - the less-invasive Lap-Band procedure, which will allow me to lose weight gradually, excercising to prevent loose skin. What if I just start taking the steps toward approval now and when the decision comes down, perhaps I'll have been more successful in my weight loss. My head's just swimming.

But...I watched TLC last night and saw a heartbreaking show about someone with real problems - Half Man, Half Tree:

So who the fuck am I to worry?

So there's that,



mkieper said...

The tree man has wood.

That is one of the most bizzar things I've ever seen.

Think of what kinds of bugs live in there. Gives me chills.

manda said...

Come on--is that real????

Ruined my butter pecan I was munching on reading this.


Johnny said...

That link is to a uk news site with the video and another picture of him with an american doctor who may be able to cure him. Guess its a virus that causes warts or some such.

All I can say about the Lapband and Bariatric surgery. I think I would try about everything I could before going down either one of those paths.