Friday, February 8, 2008

I Don't Know What's Worse:

Grocery shopping at 2:00 pm on Sunday during the rush, or grocery shopping at 2:00 pm on a weekday with the jobless and the elderly.
After today, I think it's the latter.
After my tooth removal today, I totally could have gone back to work - it wasn't as bad as everyone made it out to be.  Instead I decided to stick to my 1/2 personal day plan, and pamper myself.  I walked several blocks to the grocery store to fill up on instant mashed potatoes, stovetop stuffing, soup and yogurt.  I thought I would be in for a treat; nobody would be in Jewel at 2 pm on a Friday!
The parking lot was packed.  The place was crawling with people in walkers, wheelchairs, windsuits and hair-dos.  Dear. God.  I made the mistake of getting a shopping cart, because I couldn't get that thing through a single aisle without waiting for some gumming octegenarian to figure out what they were looking for.  Considering that I was in the market for the same things today, I couldn't really avoid them.
In the soup aisle, this white-haired woman wandered right up behind me while I was looking for a decent sale on instant potatoes.  Instead of saying something, she just kept on my ass until I got out of the way.  Then she went ahead of me, and when I moved my cart up the aisle a little bit, she started poking around it looking for food on the shelf behind.  When I saw her try to move it (my purse and coat were in there!), I did what I always do:  pull it aggressively out of the way and fling it to the other side of the aisle.  I think my point was made.
Oh hell, I would have done the same thing if this was a 30 year old.  People always expect me to get out of their way, and the few times I try to do the same, nobody does it for me.  Roar!  I'll try to be inconsiderate too; I could live longer.
Then I was comparing high-fiber yogurts when this tall old man in a stocking cap came looking over my shoulder.  "Oh, I heard those things are good.  They're on sale.  I think I should get some.  You're a good shopper."  Ahhh.  AHHHHH!!!! 
If there's nothing I hate on this earth, there will always be old men (that I'm not related to, of course).  I fucking hate old men!  And I can give or take old women.  It just depends on the kind.
I'm just really trying to digest this all right now.  Seriously?  I felt like I was in a Jewel-Osco filled with zombies...and the occasional college student.  These two girls walked by and said, "It's so bad, because I'm sooo hungry.  It's bad, this is the worst place to be when you're hungry.  I'm sooooo hungry.  I'm hungry."
All right.  I'mma take some pills and watch tacky judge shows.
Guess I'm a lot like the elderly after all.
So there's that,