Wednesday, July 2, 2008

The Most Dangerous Game

I was washing my hands in the office ladies room, when I took notice of the odd way a woman's feet were positioned in one of the stalls.
What does this matter?  There is a problem at this office with women who hover whilst relieving themselves.  You would think that, working in a healthcare organization, people would be more sanitary, but no.  Just yesterday I went into my favorite stall to find the seat sprayed with thick yellow urine.
So I noticed this woman's stance:  feet spread wide, legs an odd distance from the seat.  I thought that I should give her the benefit of the doubt; maybe she has a tampon ritual.  But then I heard it.  Loud pee.  Pee that hit the water sounding like it was dropped at least a foot away.  Pee that echoed uncharacteristically because legs weren't covering the open bowl.
I sound like a pee scientist.  No.  A pee detective.
Detective or not, I decided not to hang around the bathroom long enough to see the culprit.  Partly because I hate awkward bathroom conversation, and partly because I don't want my image of this woman (if I work closely with her) to be sullied by this incident.  I noticed someone leave the bathroom once without washing her hands, and I haven't felt comfortable around her since.  God, I'm a loser.  This is my Zodiac, my Son of Sam, my Carmen Sandiego.  I don't have the balls to look her in the face?  She was mere feet from me!
So now I'm on the hunt for a pair of shoes - orthotic-looking mary janes, probably worn with knee highs.  The woman is slender of leg and short of pants.  All Points Bulletin!
So there's that,

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