I was washing my hands in the office ladies room, when I took notice of the odd way a woman's feet were positioned in one of the stalls.
What does this matter? There is a problem at this office with women who hover whilst relieving themselves. You would think that, working in a healthcare organization, people would be more sanitary, but no. Just yesterday I went into my favorite stall to find the seat sprayed with thick yellow urine.
So I noticed this woman's stance: feet spread wide, legs an odd distance from the seat. I thought that I should give her the benefit of the doubt; maybe she has a tampon ritual. But then I heard it. Loud pee. Pee that hit the water sounding like it was dropped at least a foot away. Pee that echoed uncharacteristically because legs weren't covering the open bowl.
I sound like a pee scientist. No. A pee detective.
Detective or not, I decided not to hang around the bathroom long enough to see the culprit. Partly because I hate awkward bathroom conversation, and partly because I don't want my image of this woman (if I work closely with her) to be sullied by this incident. I noticed someone leave the bathroom once without washing her hands, and I haven't felt comfortable around her since. God, I'm a loser. This is my Zodiac, my Son of Sam, my Carmen Sandiego. I don't have the balls to look her in the face? She was mere feet from me!
So now I'm on the hunt for a pair of shoes - orthotic-looking mary janes, probably worn with knee highs. The woman is slender of leg and short of pants. All Points Bulletin!
So there's that,