Sunday, July 13, 2008

I Squeam.

So tomorrow's the big day - I'm off to see the gyno midmorning.

And I'm freaked out.

I tried to do what I always do when I can't wrap my mind around something: I research it online.

So I went to WebMD and typed in "gynecologist first visit" and laughed ruefully when the most informative link was addressed to teenage girls. The language was all, "If you think you should see a cooch doc, ask your mom or dad to make an appointment." HA!

Then I kept reading about what to expect in full detail, and my stomach lurched. Seriously? I think my cooter's just going to fold in on itself when approached by a strange lady with cold steel. Kind of like the Wicked Witch of the East's striped legs after Dorothy's house landed on her. Or maybe it will screech out, "Oil can!" Or worse, I'll mention all these awful jokes aloud in an effort to cut the tension. And then I'm afraid she's gonna be all impatient with me because I'm 26 and I need to get over it. And then I'll cry.

I mean, it's not like I haven't had someone else poking around down there before; but it's completely different when it's someone I'm not attracted to. Like I said in an earlier post, I'm gonna need a roofie first.

So wish me luck. I know it's the responsible thing to do in regards to my overall health, but fuck; I'd rather they'd develop a less invasive way to do it. Am I right ladies?

So there's that,


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