Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Thoughts on Why

I think there are a few reasons behind my obesity. I've always been overweight - as a kid I had an adorable layer of dimples and baby fat, and that turned into cellulite and stretch marks in my teens. I had a great childhood, but there was trauma. I think what's most influential is that food has always been associated with love and family. Every one of our big family events were centered around food and the kitchen. I spent time in my grandma's kitchen every day, and I remember watching her cook and helping her, eating little dough balls that she'd give me from the dumpling tray, helping her whip egg whites for cream pies and make bear-shaped pancakes. She always had treats for us - gum, sugar cereal, ice cream.

At home my mom was diet crazy, for my sake. She was thin, my sister was thin, my dad was big and muscular, but I was chubby. I associated her lame corn flakes with punishment and my grandma's Lucky Charms with reward. My grandma died when I was 9, so the food shackles went on full force after that. When I got my first job at 15, I used the first paycheck to buy Cookie Crisp cereal and Fruit Roll-Ups...all my long lost treats.

I guess I started to feel entitled, too. When I kicked ass, I would reward myself with food. Unfortunately, I kicked ass all the time. So what do you do?

So there's that,


No comments: