Tuesday, May 6, 2008

It's Just Lunch

After a few months of waffling, and the long-awaited arrival of an economic stimulus check, I decided to start NutriSystem.
I never thought I'd do it, but I've just been thinking over the past few weeks about how I don't seem to making any progress in my weight loss - even with sensible diet and exercise.  I've reached the point where I need to just rethink food.  I need to stop seeing it as a reward, and start seeing it as something that's there to keep me alive.
My main concern with starting the program was that I would have to eat highly processed food on a regular basis - which isn't very appealing to me.  I like to identify my food components.  When I cook pasta, for example, the only processed food I use is the whole wheat pasta; then I add veggies, protein, and form a simple sauce out of broth, tomato juice, oil and/or cheese.  But now I'm committed to eating an amalgam of additives I can't just pick up on store shelves, which kind of creeps me out.  I mean, after a whole childhood and adolescence raised on Banquet dinners, I'm kind of done with packaged foods.
But the benefit is that these meals are portion-controlled (though I could get more for my calorie buck) and convenient.  The convenience is a huge plus considering that I tend to opt for Subway or Thai if I'm too tired to wash my dishes, let alone put together a mouth-watering menu.
Last night, as I unpacked my shipment of 28 breakfasts, 28 lunches, 28 dinners, and 28 "desserts," I was astounded at the amount of food - albeit portion-controlled - that comprised a month's worth of dining.  I had no space in my cabinets, so I had to move a lot of the food to 3 of the 4 shelves in my fridge.  Is this really how much I eat in a month?  No, it's much less.  Lesson Fucking One.
Today was my first day on plan, and it's fair to say that I spent the whole day obsessing about food.  When was I going to get to unwrap my next dry-canned product?  What fruits, veggies and dairy would I add, and when would I get it?  I checked the website meal planner all day to record my intake and plan for tonight.  It's not like I don't normally do these things, but rather my awareness of them was turned up to 11, if you will.  I did it more frequently, and I felt more crazy over it.
Example:  I went to Trader Joe's over lunch to pick up some yogurt and produce.  The nonfat yogurt was 120 calories for 6 oz, and I seriously debated over buying it.  "The manual says I should have 80 calorie yogurt.  What-do-I-do-what-do-I-do?"  I put 4 cups of it in my basket eventually, saying to my coworker, "This is making me think like a fucking anorexic."  Then a woman in a jogging suit looked over at me and into my basket, apparently judging the contents.  "Take a good look, bitch," I wanted to say.  
But I didn't.  I'm staying strong today, and looking forward to a workout and tonight's meal.  I got 27 days to go.
So there's that,

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