Sunday, June 14, 2009

Let It Be Done

I've been thinking about that earlier post on Last Meals all weekend. And I've decided I'm over it.

I'm not going to plan the next month around all those foods that I won't be able to eat for a long time; that just gives power to the food. Once I put that plan out there, I realized how crazy it really sounds.

I've been working for years on not making such a big deal out of food. By making that list, I put a deadline on my indulgences. Not good. That's like saying I'll never have those foods again, which leads to an obsession over them, which leads to resentment post-surgery when I can't eat them with the abandon to which I've become accustomed.

By planning last meals, I'm undoing what's really a lifetime of work. I already learned the hard way the lesson that banning foods will only make me crave them more. Planning meals over this next month, celebrating our last dance, will only make them more difficult to ban. That will lead me to resent the fact that I have to ban them in the first place.

Fuck that. If I come across the opportunity to enjoy these foods over the next month, then I'll take it. But for me to go out of my way for them will cost more than money.

I'm done paying those dues.

So there's that,


1 comment:

justin said...

i feel the same way about past lovers that i tell myself i'm over. and then what happens - i crave them in the unhealthiest of ways. what you resist, persists.

equanimity is the key.