Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Last Supper Syndrome

I've lost 2 lbs in the past month, bringing my total loss so far to 35 lbs.

Just for the record, I'm not going to use my upcoming surgery as an excuse to quit eating right and excercising. I could very easily do that, but I like to think that once I see a number on the scale, I never want to see it again.

So today will be the last day I see 291.

My goals in the next month are two-fold: continue to eat healthy and excercise, and eat those favorite meals one last time. I know those are seemingly disparate goals, but I want to be able to say goodbye to those foods that I've taken for granted over the years - all while sticking to my daily POINTS allowance and keeping in shape. I'm not going to binge...

I've realized how much I've grown in the past year. I've addressed all those binge- and secret-eating habits that have kept me down; I just don't feel like doing that anymore. It was very easy for me to down a pint of Ben & Jerry's (as single-girl cliche that is), a whole Tombstone supreme pizza, a bag of salt and vinegar chips with dip, a bag of microwaved popcorn with Tostitos queso dip, a box of Fruit Roll-Ups, and a sleeve of Strawberry Sour Straws...in one afternoon. I'm not kidding. That was a regular full-on binge for me before I started walking for hours every weekend. I'd wake up on Sunday morning with puffy eyes and thick mouth, and I'd drink only water the rest of the day. I think that's what they call an eating disorder.

Now I can't even think of it. For one, I get full. I've learned to read my body's hunger signals, and I've had a little help from Meridia in that regard. Binges - as huge as they were - never made me feel sick because I was ALWAYS hungry. That's the ultimate reason why I'm having this surgery; to physically limit my food intake. Something's pretty wrong with you if you can eat and never feel full or sick and still continue to crave. I had to change my behavior, and now I'm going one step further and changing my body.

Surgery is the last tool in my box. After 20 chubby years of successful and unsucessful weight loss, I know my body and my mind. I couldn't have done this 10 years ago, or 6 years ago, or even one year ago. I can do this now, and I'm ready for it.

I'm in training for July 13. I want to be in the best physical condition possible before I go into that operating room. I want my recovery to go smoothly, and I can't do that if my body and my mind aren't prepared. Plus, I want the surgical team to be all, "Wow, this is the fittest fatass we've ever seen!"

I also want to have those favorite meals that I won't be able to enjoy in the same way again. I want to enjoy them, to remember them for the lovers they once were. They are as follows:

  • Mussels in wine broth from the Atwood Cafe, Hopleaf, or Bistro Margot. I can only pick one.
  • Shrimp Pad Thai and cucumber salad from Thai Aroma
  • Chicken Pad Thai, Crispy Rolls, Tom Yum Soup, Tom Ka Kai Soup from Penny's Noodle Shop
  • Kung Pao Shrimp, Chicken in Lettuce Cups from PF Changs
  • Sunday rib special from Art of Pizza
  • Whole Grain Pancakes from Golden Nugget Pancake House
  • Lemon Meringue and Red Velvet Cupcakes from Molly's Cupcakes
  • Mini BBQ Chicken Plate Lunch from Aloha Grill
  • Chicken Fajita Bol from Chipotle
  • Fish and Chips from Wilde
  • Arugula Pizza from Quartino
  • White Wine, sharp cheese, apples and bread
  • Something with Asian Slaw on the side from Bandera

I think that's it. As you can see, I'm very serious about my Diet Coke, Fresca, and Roll-Ups. My stomach will soon be a no carbonation zone. After I've healed, I hope I'll still be able to tolerate spicy food. I think I'll miss that the most.

For the record, I won't die if I don't have these foods before the surgery, but it'd be nice to try them one last time. I know that I can't let a last supper turn into a last binge.

So there's that,



Maui said...

You can never have carbonation again? I too love Bandera and could live on that slaw. How long is your recovery from surgery? That's a huge decision and I know you don't take it lightly (no pun intended). I'm thinkin about you girl. S

manda said...

Damn, I need to move up there and try some of that food! I thought Shrimp Fried Rice from China Wok was the bomb...

Hey, we'll send some fruit roll-ups your way. Love ya!

Michelle K said...

I went to a resturant this past weekend called Noodles and Company...and they had Fresca on tap...yes on tap...I left there drinking 3 large cups, and refilled before I left...my god it was heaven...the food wasn't bad either.

Laura said...

omg, noodles and company is great! and they have nutrish info on their website. i fully support establishments with fresca on tap. corner bakery has it, but unfortunately their food sucks.