Wednesday, May 13, 2009

X Divided by Ten Equals Thirty Three

Lots of big things have happened since I've last written, but I've just found it difficult to put into words. 
 
First this:
 
I know I write too much about the mundane details of my life (what I ate, how I feel about living creatures, epic BMs), and I hate doing that just to write something.  But I started this blog not just to talk about fatness, but as a reminder to write more.  A poet/songwriter I knew a long time ago told me, "A writer writes, no matter what."  It's a widely understood sentiment among "artists", and since it came from a particularly expressive hippie, I took it with a grain of salt and some hand sanitizer. 
 
When I write about even the mundane shit (pun intended), it gets my brain juices flowing onto broader topics.  I may not always write about the broad stuff, but I think about it...and that's therapeutic. 
 
Also, I don't edit my writings (or myself).  I probably should, but then I would fritter way too much time away on my masturbatory musings when I could be searching for free porn and literally masturbating.  I put a limit on my home computing time, so it is rare and precious.
 
Anyway, I guess what I'm saying is I'll keep writing mundane crap just to write.  Feel free to gloss over it and see if it goes anywhere.  Feel free to call me out on it.
 
*************************************************
 
BIG NEWS!
 
I lost 5 lbs this week, which brings me to a total loss of 33 pounds.  It's a significant number for a few reasons: 
 
  • 33 was Jesus Christ's age when he died for our sins.
  • It's 1/3 of the first 100 lbs i need to lose. 
  • It's 10% of my starting body weight.
So yeah...you can do the algebra.  When you do, you'll see I've got more than 100 lbs to lose.  At this point, I'd like to lose 120 more, but I'll just focus on the next 33. 
 
What this means is that I get my first big ticket pampering reward:  a botanical skin resurfacing facial from the Aveda Institute.  I had it done last November during my staycation, and let me tell you if I had a penis, I'd totally jizz over it.  Not only do you get a facial, but you also get a decent hand/arm/leg/foot massage.  Hot stones are involved.  Music is played.  Happy endings are had.
 
I shal post more big news later, but now I have to put on my adult diaper in preparation for 3 straight hours of LOST.
 
So there's that,
 
Laura
 

3 comments:

Anissa said...

Good for you Laura! I love Aveda, too. I go to an Aveda in Evansville to get my hair cut. Love the little extras.

James said...

I will have you know that no matter how pointless your posts are, I always enjoy every word. Even when I don't laugh, I'm still enjoying it. Obviously we have related senses of humor, so that helps, but I think that's the point of the blog, right? Pointless exhibitionist style ranting? And the people who find you interesting enough to bookmark it on their iPhones (me).

Laura said...

i love how aveda smells. i feel like i'm in an insect-free rainforest.