I was pretty proud of myself.
I could barely button my pants when I was coming back to Chicago on the 30th, so I made an effort to lose a chunk of that excess weight before today's meeting. I got back on track, excercised, and I came back to work yesterday wearing my skinny pants. That's good, right?
I knew I probably wouldn't show weight loss this week consdering that this is also my woman week, so I counted on seeing a gain of at most 2 pounds, if I didn't at least stay weight stable. And the outcome was right there in the range I set for myself: I showed a gain of 1.5 pounds since December 16.
I think...that's pretty frickin' awesome!
But the lady who logged my weight really harshed my buzz. In her sassy old black woman drawl, she said, "You celebrated too much."
I'm thinking: I know that. But I'm happy with this weigh-in; it could have been much worse.
She's lecturing: "Yes you celebrated too much and you need to get your head in the game."
I'm thinking: I do have my head in the...wait a minute - what did this bitch just say to me?
I'm saying: "Oh I know! I was much higher than this one week ago. These are good numbers to me."
She's saying: "Yeah, but you still celebrated too much. You gotta work them numbers, not let them work you."
I'm thinking: Uh, bitch? Who the fuck do you think you are? You're job isn't to say shit. Your job is not to judge me. Your job is to read the scale and write my weight down on my card. Your job is to go fuck yourself.
I'm saying: "This is a good number for me. I'm quite happy with myself, THANK you." I grabbed my purse and snapped my card out of her hand.
She finally looked up, caught the tartness of my tone, and happily said, "Well good job then!"
I walked away with my heart racing, and I could have cried. And I wasn't overreacting. I went in there pretty happy, so I couldn't have (in my imagination) assigned that shitty tone to her voice. She just kept her head down and scolded me for poor behavior.
Again - not her job. Never in my history of Weight Watchers have I experienced something like this. That's because you're not supposed to make crappy comments to people about their weigh-ins. The point of attending meetings is to hold ourselves accountable. I'm doing my job by showing my face no matter if I gain or lose. If I gain, I can beat myself up about it, then use my meeting time to get over myself, examine my mistakes and recharge. If I lose, I use the meeting time to get new insights and reevaluate my goals. I don't go to be coddled, but I don't go to be berated either. If I wanted that, I'd exclusively weigh-in at the doctor's office.
I calmed down about it as the meeting progressed. I wanted to take her aside after the meeting to let her know that she was out of line, but she was still weighing people in. There's another meeting tonight, so I may go in after my workout to talk to our leader about it. I really don't want this to ruin my experience at this meeting location.
This is the kind of thing that can keep people from coming to meetings. But not me.
On another note:
When I was sitting listening to our leader, I decided that's what I want to do. I want to lose my weight for a variety of reasons, but now one of them is to become a lifetime member and down the road, an inspiring leader. Who better than someone who's knocked herself down so often only to come back up fighting?
To quote Liz Lemon: I want to go to there.
So there's that,