Tuesday, February 17, 2009

The Thing I Hate About Weight Watchers

Is this business:

Please note: Although it's normal to lose over 2 lbs in 1 week, a safe rate of weight loss is no more than an average of 2 lbs per week after your first 3 weeks. If you lose too quickly, it could pose health risks, such as heart irregularities, anemia or loss of muscle mass. If you're losing too quickly, please slow your weight loss; your doctor can help you do this if you're not sure how.


How about:

Note this, bitch: Way to lose 3.2 pounds this week, fat ass!
You know how to excercise, eat right, and work the program - keep up the good work.
Here are some tips on staying motivated:
  • Keep a food journal.
  • Don't be ignorant.
  • Don't eat this stuff.
I mean jeez Weight Watchers. Way to be all, "Lose weight and feel good! Tanya lost 157 pounds* (*resultsnottypical)," in one breath, and all, "Ummm don't lose too much weight," in the other. Eff you, em-effers.

Plus, my leader is an old cooz. Old = 70s. All the old people like her and think she's really motivating, but she's actually kind of messed up. She uses all this 1980s Scarsdale and Atkins diet lingo in the meetings, and I get the vibe that she's more "diet" than "lifestyle change." That's totally not what WW (from here on out it shall be called "dub-dub") is all about. But she has been a lifetime member for 23 years, so I guess she knows something. Even so, I get the vibe that she still hangs on to old dieting lore.

I really want to be a leader. I mean, it's kind of hard to be inspired by some of these leaders who've only had to lose 20 lbs to be happy/at goal. A loss is a loss blahblahblah, and if it means something significant to you to be back at your cheerleading weight then hoo-rah. But I need someone who's been in the stinky, sweaty folds of obesity - preferably all their lives and a couple of times over - who can really inspire me. And I wanna be that person. I wanna be all, "Oh, you want to lose 23 pounds? That's great!...mmmmmiiiiilostonefifty."

Nah, that's a touch passive aggressive. I couldn't do that, could I? Um, but speaking of passive-aggressive, how about this line from the dub-dub "note" above: "Please slow your weight loss; your doctor can help you do this if you're not sure how." Mmmmm...I'm pretty sure I know how to slow my weight loss, thankyouverymuch; I've been doing nothing but that for 20 years. Ack! Ack! Ack!

Oh! And I effing love how the dub-dub's healthy living section of the site identifies only 4 different life stages for women: Bride-to-Be, College Student, New Mom, and 40+. Uh? How about Disenchanted Twentysomething? How about Quarterlife Crisis? How about Cathy Cartoon? College Student I can handle because I was there, but not all of us go from college to matrimony to baby-havin' (or reverse) to menopause. Some of us are a little more pathetic than that. I swear to God if I hear someone bitch about their 20 lbs of baby weight, I'm gonna throttle her. How about you "intercourse it off" youknowwhatimeanjustuseprotection? Same with brides-to-be. Forty Plus? I guess you and I are in the same boat...only I can still menstruate.

Not fair. I wanna be a leader and I wanna make a big impact on this program.

But pretty much the point of this whole post is to note that I lost 3.2 pounds this week. More paperclips, please!


So there's that,

Laura

2 comments:

Michelle K said...

I remember the first time I saw that and I thought WFT. It is never GREAT JOB. It's either you maybe loseing too much, or "if you aren't happy with these results".

ANYWAY...Congratulations on your outstanding results.

Here's another things...don't they take in account that larger people might have larger losses until they get down to a certain weight? I mean come off it.

Sarah said...

YaY! 3.2 pounds a week is not a bad thing. And alas, as you and I both know, you don't see numbers like that every week, it does all average out. WW will tell you though anything more than 2 is too much. All in all I think their program has some great points and it is sustainable. I like how they look at fiber fat and protein to determine the value food has. (all sorts of companies are doing this now-- perhaps even your grocery store, i digress)

As for dub-dub, I do think that there is a huge difference between those who need to lose 100+ pounds and those who need to lose 20 pounds. A loss is a loss, but the length of the journey and the opportunities to fuck up are way more numerous when the path is longer. I wish they did more to address this. I lost my weight without them for a couple of reasons, one being $$$ but two I had some of the same expereinces you did. STFU about your damn baby weight, it's called breast feeding.

I don't comment often, but love your blog-- glad to see you moving forward. Congrats again on your string of recent loses.