Gifts From the Universe

I thought I was getting paid tomorrow, but I didn't realize that payday is the LAST day of the month, not the first. So...I thought I was going to be broke for another day, but that's not the case - momma got paid today!

I feel like it's a gift from the universe, like finding a twenty in my coat pocket. But when I think about it, it's not. It's just me realizing I was stupid - stupid to forget payday, stupid to leave a Jackson in a coat pocket. I mean, who does that?

People who are bad with money, that's who.

So there's that,

Laura

Please Esplain

I'm playing catch-up today, so here's a quick explanation, by way of email, for my disappearance over the past few days.  Miss you!

 

Amanda Thompson

04/29/2008 09:26 PM


To  Laura Meyer
cc

Subject  hiatus

What's up with the blog????  I miss your entries!

Loved the quotation marks one.  What do you think about apostrophe misuse? There are 2 in Jasper that are really close to each other.  The Great Wall is now "hiring server's" and the gun place going the other way to
Celestine is "------ Bait and Gun's".

I thought of you when I saw those.

 

Kris called for your address for graduation.  I gave it to her, so be on the lookout!

Field trip to the zoo Friday--might try to "leave" some of my kids there. (like the quotation marks?)
 

Miss you and love you!
Manda
 

 

Isn't my sister delightfully evil???  My response:

 

Hey Manda!

Sorry, I've been out of commission for the past few days.  I wrenched my back in the shower on Monday morning, and I've been out until today - I could barely sit at a computer, let alone go to the bathroom.  I went to the chiropractor, who scolded me for not stretching properly before and after working out...then told me to lose weight.  Ha!  

 

I've been having some low back pain for a week or two now, but I thought it was just PMS cramps.  I even kept having a recurring dream that my butt and thighs were so big that they were too painful to drag around behind me.  Anyway, I have to do some stretches every morning and throughout the day to work through it.  Boo.

Love the quotes!  Which zoo are you going to?  By "leave" do you mean "toss into the gorilla den"?  Let me "know".

Love you and see you soon!

 

 

So there's that,

 

Laura


 

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner?

I went out to lunch with two cowokers today - Shana and Danielle.  I hadn't been out with Danielle before, and immediately felt inferior -

 

Girlfriend has better one-liners than me.

 

We were talking about some colorful people we know, and Danielle said possibly my favorite line of all time:

 

"That woman invited Crazy to dinner.  Then she got mad when Crazy actually showed up."

 

I'm so stealing it.

 

So there's that,

Laura

Re: "Earthquake"

I just saw Shana's comment about how her mom thought the earthquake was a monster under her bed. That reminded me of what my dad said. It went something like this.

Dad: "I was in my bathroom, and I heard this sound like thunder or a train. I'm serious, Laura; I didn't know an earthquake would make a sound like that. I expected the ceiling to rip off the roof if it was a tornado. Under my feet...."

Me: "You could feel the earth move?" (I was trying to make a joke about the Carole King song.)

Dad: (Completely missing it.) "Yeah, the floor moved up and down under my feet, dropping 2 inches out from under me. I went over to the window, because I thought it was either a tornado or a spaceship had landed. I'm serious, Laura. The sky was perfectly clear, and there was no spaceship, so I knew it must have been an earthquake."

That's my dad - a true believer in the paranormal. I remember watching Close Encounters of the Third Kind with him when I was really little. We were sitting on this yellow flowery couch in the living room, and I got really scared when the aliens finally came out at the end of the movie. I mean come on - shadowy, spidery figures coming out from a bright light? Scared the crap out of me.

But I still remember him, almost weepy, saying it was such a beautiful moment. That it would be so amazing to see other lifeforms from outer space in our time. He wouldn't believe that aliens would pose a threat to us, because as he put it, "why would someone travel all this way through space and time to start a war?"

How sweet is that?

Before then, I was afraid of aliens. Afraid they were hiding in the basement, that they left lights on down there to lure me to them. When my parents' alarm clock would go off in the middle of the day (I think it just went off every 12 hours, I never understood it), I was afraid they were setting it off and hiding behind the bed waiting for me to come in and shut it off. Pretty much every time something odd happened, I would think it was an alien conspiracy.

But once I knew that Dad was cool with them, I got over it. I shifted my fear of alarm clocks and basements on Freddie Kruger and ventriloquist dolls.

So there's that,

Laura

Lo Mein

I'm doing some weight training tonight, so I've been thinking about how to best utilize the contents of my pantry and freezer for a protein-packed dinner.  After mulling it over for some time, I've decided I'm going to make lo mein.  I'm cooking up 2 servings so I can bring the other for lunch tomorrow.

 

Lean Lo Mein

Serves 2

 

4 oz.  whole wheat linguine, dry

3/4 c.  frozen, shelled edamame (soybeans)

1/2 c.  frozen asparagus, chopped

1/2 c.  frozen bell peppers

2 cloves garlic, chopped

2 whole eggs

6 oz. frozen shrimp, defrosted and drained/dried thoroughly

soy sauce

asian style hot sauce (I like Sriracha)

chicken broth

corn starch

 

In a small bowl, combine soy sauce, hot sauce, broth, and a bit of corn starch to thicken.  Set aside.

 

Cook linguine until al dente.  In the meantime, scramble eggs, chopping them into strips, and set aside.  In a small amount of oil, saute edamame, asparagus and peppers.  Add garlic when veggies are nearly cooked.    Add shrimp to saute, then toss in cooked eggs.  Add cooked, drained pasta to saute pan, then stir in sauce and cook until warmed through and thickened.  Served topped with fresh cilantro, if desired.

 

Nom.

 

So there's that,

 

Laura

 

 

"Earthquake"

I think I just found my new favorite website:

 

http://quotation-marks.blogspot.com/

 

I didn't feel the earth quake this morning, but I woke up to my phone vibrating about five minutes afterward.  I let it go to voicemail, only to find later that it was Mom asking if I felt the earthquake.  Which is kind of sweet.

 

Then I couldn't fall back asleep, so I watched the morning news.  All they could talk about was this earthquake, and they just kept taking calls from people describing their experiences. 

 

4 out of 10 thought it was one of their kids shaking the bed.

5 out of 10 thought it was their spouse trying to get laid.

1 out of 10 thought it was a slumber fart.

 

So I drifted back off to sleep and dreamt about an earthquake, a failed audition where I couldn't physically bring myself to speak (even though I came up with a great one-liner), and a trip in a Chicago Police Department box truck when I couldn't get a cab back to my parents' house in Bretzville.

 

I tell ya, when you take hydrocodone for menstrual cramps, it can really fuck with your head.  What?  They were left over from my wisdom toof.

 

Bee tee dubs, I'm getting my haircut tomorrow.  Think I'm going Mandy Moore:

 

 

 

 

 

Though, I think I really just want to look like this picture in general.

 

So there's that,

 

Laura

S

 

 

Suck and Blow

You know what I'm pretty much done with? A list:

• My neighbors. who. smoke. And it comes through the walls so I can faintly smell it when I come into the kitchen. Does the indoor smoking ban in Chicago extend to apartment buildings????
• My various neighbors. who. smoke. pot. And the smell comes through my walls, and into the hallway. Then the smell of nag champa later on. Seriously? Last night my hallway smelled like an opium den.
• I know this is probably a big middle finger to some readers, but I'm pretty much done with adults who smoke pot; moreover, with adults who still smoke it like they're getting back at the man, for the minute thrill of breaking the law and getting away with it. Then they light incense to cover it up. If you were a real badass, you would smoke it on the street so you could really risk getting caught. I just don't get that culture. Marijuana doesn't make you part of an elite counterculture. Yeah I'm addicted to food, but I'd rather that than something I have to pay a high overhead for a very little amount. No pun intended. Seriously - how can people afford drugs?
• Excessive horn-honking. What the hell?! We know you're annoyed the first time you honk at the guy in front of you for missing the perfectly good opportunity to make a left turn that narrowly avoids the oncoming drivers; by the fifth time, it's just pointless. I just want to bang on your windows when I'm walking by and yell "HONK!HONK!HONK!"
• Moms who cross the street with a baby in the stroller, and a toddler tagging along...when the light is about to turn green. Let's get this straight: It's okay for me to cross the street when the hand is flashing; I have nothing to live for. But when you drag your babies into it, then I don't see why the state hasn't visited your home yet.
• The 148 bus. Why can't there be less crowded ones when I want them?
• Washing out my stinky sports bra. I need, like, 3 more to put into the rotation.
• Starbucks. It really isn't all that great. Now Lavazza on the other hand....I had a latte there the other day that I can't stop thinking about.
• Madonna. I'm just not interested anymore.
• Top 40 radio. I hear the same 6-8 songs every hour, and "Low" (Flo-Rida featuring T-Pain) at least 5 times every hour. I used to be able to get down with shorty in her apple bottom jeans and boots with the fur, but now I'm getting a little tired of the whole charade.
• American Idol's David Archuletta. I can only take so many "inspirational performances" from each contestant. You used up all yours at least 6 episodes ago. By the way - is this the same kid who at the audition said he used to have scarred vocal chords and was afraid he could never sing again? Or something like that? And they found out back then that what he described wasn't a real ailment? I HATE this kid.
• Undercover investigations from the local news shows. You'd think they'd be more interesting in Chicago, but they're not.
• Skechers. Why is it your sporty mary janes end up being my smelliest shoes, within 3 weeks of wear? I had to pumice the smell off my feet the other night. I'll never buy another pair again.
• Nike - why do all your tennis shoes have to be so HUGE? I feel like I'm wearing a foam brick on my feet. And the only streamlined shoes you have are for casual wear!
• Chicago sales tax. It's around and above 10%. And I can't go to the suburbs every time I make a major purchase. That's why I'm shopping online...
• People talking to me in the work bathroom while I'm trying to take a dump. Sure, they don't know that's what I'm doing, but it still interrupts my concentration.

Had to get that off my chest.

So there's that,

Laura