Gifts From the Universe

I thought I was getting paid tomorrow, but I didn't realize that payday is the LAST day of the month, not the first. So...I thought I was going to be broke for another day, but that's not the case - momma got paid today!

I feel like it's a gift from the universe, like finding a twenty in my coat pocket. But when I think about it, it's not. It's just me realizing I was stupid - stupid to forget payday, stupid to leave a Jackson in a coat pocket. I mean, who does that?

People who are bad with money, that's who.

So there's that,

Laura

Please Esplain

I'm playing catch-up today, so here's a quick explanation, by way of email, for my disappearance over the past few days.  Miss you!

 

Amanda Thompson

04/29/2008 09:26 PM


To  Laura Meyer
cc

Subject  hiatus

What's up with the blog????  I miss your entries!

Loved the quotation marks one.  What do you think about apostrophe misuse? There are 2 in Jasper that are really close to each other.  The Great Wall is now "hiring server's" and the gun place going the other way to
Celestine is "------ Bait and Gun's".

I thought of you when I saw those.

 

Kris called for your address for graduation.  I gave it to her, so be on the lookout!

Field trip to the zoo Friday--might try to "leave" some of my kids there. (like the quotation marks?)
 

Miss you and love you!
Manda
 

 

Isn't my sister delightfully evil???  My response:

 

Hey Manda!

Sorry, I've been out of commission for the past few days.  I wrenched my back in the shower on Monday morning, and I've been out until today - I could barely sit at a computer, let alone go to the bathroom.  I went to the chiropractor, who scolded me for not stretching properly before and after working out...then told me to lose weight.  Ha!  

 

I've been having some low back pain for a week or two now, but I thought it was just PMS cramps.  I even kept having a recurring dream that my butt and thighs were so big that they were too painful to drag around behind me.  Anyway, I have to do some stretches every morning and throughout the day to work through it.  Boo.

Love the quotes!  Which zoo are you going to?  By "leave" do you mean "toss into the gorilla den"?  Let me "know".

Love you and see you soon!

 

 

So there's that,

 

Laura


 

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner?

I went out to lunch with two cowokers today - Shana and Danielle.  I hadn't been out with Danielle before, and immediately felt inferior -

 

Girlfriend has better one-liners than me.

 

We were talking about some colorful people we know, and Danielle said possibly my favorite line of all time:

 

"That woman invited Crazy to dinner.  Then she got mad when Crazy actually showed up."

 

I'm so stealing it.

 

So there's that,

Laura

Re: "Earthquake"

I just saw Shana's comment about how her mom thought the earthquake was a monster under her bed. That reminded me of what my dad said. It went something like this.

Dad: "I was in my bathroom, and I heard this sound like thunder or a train. I'm serious, Laura; I didn't know an earthquake would make a sound like that. I expected the ceiling to rip off the roof if it was a tornado. Under my feet...."

Me: "You could feel the earth move?" (I was trying to make a joke about the Carole King song.)

Dad: (Completely missing it.) "Yeah, the floor moved up and down under my feet, dropping 2 inches out from under me. I went over to the window, because I thought it was either a tornado or a spaceship had landed. I'm serious, Laura. The sky was perfectly clear, and there was no spaceship, so I knew it must have been an earthquake."

That's my dad - a true believer in the paranormal. I remember watching Close Encounters of the Third Kind with him when I was really little. We were sitting on this yellow flowery couch in the living room, and I got really scared when the aliens finally came out at the end of the movie. I mean come on - shadowy, spidery figures coming out from a bright light? Scared the crap out of me.

But I still remember him, almost weepy, saying it was such a beautiful moment. That it would be so amazing to see other lifeforms from outer space in our time. He wouldn't believe that aliens would pose a threat to us, because as he put it, "why would someone travel all this way through space and time to start a war?"

How sweet is that?

Before then, I was afraid of aliens. Afraid they were hiding in the basement, that they left lights on down there to lure me to them. When my parents' alarm clock would go off in the middle of the day (I think it just went off every 12 hours, I never understood it), I was afraid they were setting it off and hiding behind the bed waiting for me to come in and shut it off. Pretty much every time something odd happened, I would think it was an alien conspiracy.

But once I knew that Dad was cool with them, I got over it. I shifted my fear of alarm clocks and basements on Freddie Kruger and ventriloquist dolls.

So there's that,

Laura

Lo Mein

I'm doing some weight training tonight, so I've been thinking about how to best utilize the contents of my pantry and freezer for a protein-packed dinner.  After mulling it over for some time, I've decided I'm going to make lo mein.  I'm cooking up 2 servings so I can bring the other for lunch tomorrow.

 

Lean Lo Mein

Serves 2

 

4 oz.  whole wheat linguine, dry

3/4 c.  frozen, shelled edamame (soybeans)

1/2 c.  frozen asparagus, chopped

1/2 c.  frozen bell peppers

2 cloves garlic, chopped

2 whole eggs

6 oz. frozen shrimp, defrosted and drained/dried thoroughly

soy sauce

asian style hot sauce (I like Sriracha)

chicken broth

corn starch

 

In a small bowl, combine soy sauce, hot sauce, broth, and a bit of corn starch to thicken.  Set aside.

 

Cook linguine until al dente.  In the meantime, scramble eggs, chopping them into strips, and set aside.  In a small amount of oil, saute edamame, asparagus and peppers.  Add garlic when veggies are nearly cooked.    Add shrimp to saute, then toss in cooked eggs.  Add cooked, drained pasta to saute pan, then stir in sauce and cook until warmed through and thickened.  Served topped with fresh cilantro, if desired.

 

Nom.

 

So there's that,

 

Laura

 

 

"Earthquake"

I think I just found my new favorite website:

 

http://quotation-marks.blogspot.com/

 

I didn't feel the earth quake this morning, but I woke up to my phone vibrating about five minutes afterward.  I let it go to voicemail, only to find later that it was Mom asking if I felt the earthquake.  Which is kind of sweet.

 

Then I couldn't fall back asleep, so I watched the morning news.  All they could talk about was this earthquake, and they just kept taking calls from people describing their experiences. 

 

4 out of 10 thought it was one of their kids shaking the bed.

5 out of 10 thought it was their spouse trying to get laid.

1 out of 10 thought it was a slumber fart.

 

So I drifted back off to sleep and dreamt about an earthquake, a failed audition where I couldn't physically bring myself to speak (even though I came up with a great one-liner), and a trip in a Chicago Police Department box truck when I couldn't get a cab back to my parents' house in Bretzville.

 

I tell ya, when you take hydrocodone for menstrual cramps, it can really fuck with your head.  What?  They were left over from my wisdom toof.

 

Bee tee dubs, I'm getting my haircut tomorrow.  Think I'm going Mandy Moore:

 

 

 

 

 

Though, I think I really just want to look like this picture in general.

 

So there's that,

 

Laura

S

 

 

Suck and Blow

You know what I'm pretty much done with? A list:

• My neighbors. who. smoke. And it comes through the walls so I can faintly smell it when I come into the kitchen. Does the indoor smoking ban in Chicago extend to apartment buildings????
• My various neighbors. who. smoke. pot. And the smell comes through my walls, and into the hallway. Then the smell of nag champa later on. Seriously? Last night my hallway smelled like an opium den.
• I know this is probably a big middle finger to some readers, but I'm pretty much done with adults who smoke pot; moreover, with adults who still smoke it like they're getting back at the man, for the minute thrill of breaking the law and getting away with it. Then they light incense to cover it up. If you were a real badass, you would smoke it on the street so you could really risk getting caught. I just don't get that culture. Marijuana doesn't make you part of an elite counterculture. Yeah I'm addicted to food, but I'd rather that than something I have to pay a high overhead for a very little amount. No pun intended. Seriously - how can people afford drugs?
• Excessive horn-honking. What the hell?! We know you're annoyed the first time you honk at the guy in front of you for missing the perfectly good opportunity to make a left turn that narrowly avoids the oncoming drivers; by the fifth time, it's just pointless. I just want to bang on your windows when I'm walking by and yell "HONK!HONK!HONK!"
• Moms who cross the street with a baby in the stroller, and a toddler tagging along...when the light is about to turn green. Let's get this straight: It's okay for me to cross the street when the hand is flashing; I have nothing to live for. But when you drag your babies into it, then I don't see why the state hasn't visited your home yet.
• The 148 bus. Why can't there be less crowded ones when I want them?
• Washing out my stinky sports bra. I need, like, 3 more to put into the rotation.
• Starbucks. It really isn't all that great. Now Lavazza on the other hand....I had a latte there the other day that I can't stop thinking about.
• Madonna. I'm just not interested anymore.
• Top 40 radio. I hear the same 6-8 songs every hour, and "Low" (Flo-Rida featuring T-Pain) at least 5 times every hour. I used to be able to get down with shorty in her apple bottom jeans and boots with the fur, but now I'm getting a little tired of the whole charade.
• American Idol's David Archuletta. I can only take so many "inspirational performances" from each contestant. You used up all yours at least 6 episodes ago. By the way - is this the same kid who at the audition said he used to have scarred vocal chords and was afraid he could never sing again? Or something like that? And they found out back then that what he described wasn't a real ailment? I HATE this kid.
• Undercover investigations from the local news shows. You'd think they'd be more interesting in Chicago, but they're not.
• Skechers. Why is it your sporty mary janes end up being my smelliest shoes, within 3 weeks of wear? I had to pumice the smell off my feet the other night. I'll never buy another pair again.
• Nike - why do all your tennis shoes have to be so HUGE? I feel like I'm wearing a foam brick on my feet. And the only streamlined shoes you have are for casual wear!
• Chicago sales tax. It's around and above 10%. And I can't go to the suburbs every time I make a major purchase. That's why I'm shopping online...
• People talking to me in the work bathroom while I'm trying to take a dump. Sure, they don't know that's what I'm doing, but it still interrupts my concentration.

Had to get that off my chest.

So there's that,

Laura

Nickeled and Dimed

I decided to start a responsible financial project:  I'm tracking my spending for a month.  I made a spreadsheet detailing every dollar and cent that leaves my bank account.

 

I've been meaning to do this for a few years, but I know how it will turn out.  I spend too much money on food - dining out, compulsive groceries, and Starbucks trips - all of which  goes down the toilet.  I guess it will be good to see the percent of money I spend on food, to see where that money could be going instead.

 

I just dropped a piece of fresh pineapple under my desk.  Since I have no greater love than fresh pineapple, I have to make a difficult decision as to whether or not to eat it once I crawl under my desk to pick it up....

 

I ate it...but not after looking around for witnesses.

 

Back to money, I'm trying to get back into bringing my lunch to work, and I've been working on eating the contents of my fridge and cabinets before buying more food.  Here's an example of the most common problem I have with that: 

 

Last night, I was thinking of dinner when I was at the gym, and I thought, "I want to make something quick.  I have some leftover whole wheat hot dog buns; I'll make tuna salad with light mayo and chopped pickles, and I'll put it on two buns.  I should have a salad, too.  Oh, I have to get rid of some tomatoes.  Maybe I'll just eat them with salt and pepper.  But I haven't really had all that much fat or dairy today...what if I stopped to pick up some soft mozzarella to chop up with the tomatoes?  Then I could put some vinegar on there, and some capers.  And artichokes!  That'll be a nice little fresh salad to balance my sandwiches."

 

Seriously?  I think like this all the time.  I have a running monologue in my head that discusses everything from money to food.  I'm always thinking of my next meal, if only to make better decisions about what I'm eating now.

 

Back to last night - there was a problem with this meal, because I didn't have the mozzarella.  That meant I had to run to the store on the way home, which means I'll buy more food.  And guess what?  That's what I did.  I couldn't find mozzarella at my corner store, so I dilly-dallied and ended up buying havarti, eggs (because I thought I was out), and a single-serving bottle of OJ (because I had a craving yesterday morning).  Problem was, I got home to find a full carton of eggs already in the fridge, and I realized I had an 8 oz chunk of cheese that will probably spoil before I get around to eating it all.  That sounds weird, but I'm not a cheese junkie.  Cheese finds sanctuary in my fridge.  Sanctuary...and slow death by molding.

 

I'm so afraid I'm going to be like my mom, a compulsive shopper.  She has clothes in her closet that still have tags, and a few months ago she had to purchase a freezer chest so that she could store the overflow of food from the refrigerator.  The tiny woman is a suspected bulimic, and she loads the fridge up all the time with eggs, shredded cheese and meat.  Every time I come home, I take alone time as an opportunity to dispose of rotting fruits, vegetables and uncovered leftovers; if it doesn't happen then, it will never happen.  I can always count on finding a cantaloupe like a shrunken head in the back corner of a low shelf.

 

Moreover, I'm afraid that I can't go a day without spending money.  I'll go full days without spending, only to decide at night that I need to make a frivolous purchase - be it a sandwich, a pack of Toffifay, or a box of nails.  I feel like I need something that bad.  Usually I plan my winter Sundays so that I don't have to leave the house; however, I will always find an excuse to get dressed and run to the corner store for something.

 

Shiver.

 

I think I'm really screwed up, but I guess it's good to realize it's a problem.  By the way?

 

,

 

Yum.

 

I don't know.  Has anybody else had this problem?

 

So there's that,

 

Laura

Burn in it.

I just remembered that Hell's Kitchen is on tonight at 8:00 pm.  Don't forget! 

 

You've got to see this show - I think tonight will feature the women using their feminine wiles to mess with the guys' heads.  But more importantly, one guy will be wearing the most obnoxious straw hat I've ever seen.

 

Nom nom nom!

 

So there's that,

 

Laura

 

 

 

 

Is it bad?

Is it bad that I kind of want to be half-murdered tonight sometime between the end of my meeting and before I have to report at 5:30 am tomorrow? 

 

I'm not asking to be killed or raped or anything; all I want is to be hit over my head, or have my limbs broken, or put in a brief soap opera coma so that I'll definitely recover, but just not able to fill my role for the next 36 hours.

 

Dear God,

 

It's me, Laura.  Are you listening?

 

So there's that,

 

Laura

Update: She Stools to Conquer

I've found that it hasn't helped my comfort level in these days of worry to force myself to have massive, nebulous bowel movements. 

 

While it makes me feel less bloated with constipation, it makes me feel more bloated with roiling gases. 

 

Plus, my nether orifice feels like it got in a streetfight with a cheese grater.

 

 

 

 

So there's that,

 

Laura

Halp!

What movies/shows should I put on my Netflix queue? 

 

I signed up for this thing, and damned if the minute I did, I had no idea what I badly wanted/needed to see.

So there's that,

 

Laura

Cureall

I'm so stressed out this week because of a big project at work.  I'm just looking forward to Saturday night when it's all over!

 

Stress affects me in a curious way, and I warn you, what I'm about to describe may be a little too personal for some.  But if you're my friend, you know that I'm already very comfortable talking about bowel movements with you.

 

I said it.

 

My stomach doesn't follow the standard rules of digestion.  Peppermint doesn't soothe my upset stomach like they say it will, and neither does ginger.  Peppermint candy, gum, ginger ale - it all makes me feel pretty nauseous.  When I eat greasy food, it doesn't go straight through me; it binds me up. 

 

Chocolate makes me sick, too.  That's why I only eat it when nuts and caramel are involved.  It still makes me sick, but I love Turtles, what can I say?

 

And now I'm stressed out, and that. makes. me. constipated.  My pants were tight over the past 2 days, just from the fact that I haven't pooped since Friday.

What's my remedy?  Go home and take a laxative and a sleeping pill.  That's exactly what I did last night, and it couldn't have felt better.  Today, my pants are loose, and I feel well-rested.

 

I did have to wake up at midnight, though, to take a half-hour crap.  Shew!  That's just the price you pay for comfort.  I pooped so much between midnight and 9:00 am that I felt a little light-headed.  All I can say is, what a rush!

 

The problem is that I became powerfully hungry as a result, and I ate a lot of crap to make up for it.  Guess I'll have to repeat my regimen for one more night!

 

So there's that,

 

Laura

 

 

Note to Fat People

I'm a big fan and subscriber to www.bigfatblog.com, the fat acceptance blog.  The most recent post really ticked me off, and I wanted to mention it here.

 

BFBer vidyapriya tipped us off that a University of Toronto student paper, The Newspaper, printed an article entitled "10 Reasons it's not OK to be fat." It's an unbelievable, almost stunningly perfect example of fat hatred.

1. Public health care - why should the rest of us have to pay high taxes for you to eat yourself to death?
2. Nobody likes you. Except for, possibly, other fat people.
3. Even if you're successful, it just means you'll have enough money to become a drug addict and kill yourself like Chris Farley.
4. Because I don't want to ever have to think about fat people again.
5. Not only do you frighten children, but you're also setting a bad example.
6. You ruin pictures.
7. You ruin moments.
8. The thought of you ever having sex single-handedly ruins the day of at least 50% of the people whom you meet.
9. Because only aircraft are meant to be equipped with flaps. Their flaps serve a purpose.
10. It's fucking disgusting.

I still don't know what to say about this.  I mean, I know fat hate exists, but sometimes stuff like this comes out that's so blatantly cruel that I don't know how people like this exist among us.

 

It's just food for thought.  I'd hate to waste my energy responding to someone as stupid as this.  I can only hope that his or her tactlessness will result in the ruin of his or her career at some point.

 

So there's that,

 

Laura

 

PS - Tell me how this picture is ruined:

 

 

Three Times One Minus One

I just remembered this video, and I wanted to share it with you. Watch Mr. Show, my friends.




So there's that,

Laura

B.A.T.

I love walking around the produce section to see what's on sale and get some good ideas.  This weekend, it was avocados - everywhere!  So what did I do?  I made a BAT.

 

Bacon-Avocado-Tomato Sandwich

Serves 2

 

4 Whole Wheat Hot Dog Buns (I keep these on hand because they're great for quick sandwiches, and I can't eat a whole loaf of bread fast enough.)

8 slices bacon, turkey, veggie or otherwise.  I used the real deal because I was HONGRY.

1 avocado, sliced

12 grape tomatoes, halved

Light Mayo

 

Prepare bacon using your favorite method.  Mine?  Line a plate with paper towels, lay out the bacon, and zap it in the microwave for 4 minutes.  Spread the hot dog buns with desired amount of mayo, and season with salt and black pepper.  Place two strips of bacon on top of the mayo, then top with avocado slices and 6 grape tomato halves.  Yields 2 sandwiches per serving.  nom nom nom!

 

So there's that,

 

Laura

 

 

Credit Swiss

This weekend I made Swiss Oatmeal - a cold breakfast treat that I like to order at Corner Bakery every now and then.  Some places call it muesli.  I'd been meaning to figure it out for myself, and I finally got around to it.  It's probably the easiest thing I've ever made in my life.  That, and a quick buck.

 

Swiss Oatmeal

Serves 8

 

2 cups rolled oats, not instant  (I use Trader Joe's oven-toasted oats)

2 cups skim or 1% milk

2 cups fat-free or low-fat vanilla yogurt

1 cup dried cranberries or your favorite dried berries (I used Trader Joe's mixed bag of dried cherries, cranberries, blueberries and golden raisins - nom!)

Splenda or sugar

 

Optional:

Chopped granny smith apples

Sliced banana

Almonds

 

Combine oats, milk, yogurt, berries and Splenda to taste.  Cover and refrigerate overnight (8 hours).  When serving, stir in apples, bananas and almonds or other fresh fruits as desired.  It's...the best.

 

So there's that,

 

Laura

 

 

"How sore ARE you?"

I'm so sore that I have to use the handicap bars to get off the toilet.

 

I'm so sore that when I pee, I can feel it in my abs.

 

I'm so sore that when I fart, I can feel it in my obliques.

 

Oh lord.  I've been using the workout schedule prescribed to me by the BlueCross/BlueShield website, which is pretty awesome.  It's a new feature from my insurance company in which you can enter your weight and height, health info, along with your level of equipment access and comfort, and they give you a plan to follow each day.  I've scheduled myself for 5 days of cardio (Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday) with 3 days of weight training (Sunday, Tuesday, Thursday), and it's been keeping me on track.  It's like the Weight Watchers and MyPyramid.gov sites, too, in that you can record your food intake alongside the recommended goals.

 

Needless to say, I like it a lot.  There's a sufficient level of accountability involved, and I look forward to checking in everyday.  Yeah, I'm sore, but it's the good kind of sore that reminds me that I'm ALIVE!

 

Plus, I feel and look better every day.  This is going to sound weird to all you non-fatties, but last night, for the first time (I think, ever) I could twist around in the mirror and see the backs of my legs.  That's a pretty big step!  And they're looking...better!  I'm gaining flexibility and tone.  Soon I might be able to cross them!

So there's that,

Laura

The Flossy Flossy

I just want to say that I look awesome today.

 

The only bad thing about looking awesome is that people notice.  I mean, I've pretty much been Laura Cash in this office all winter, wearing the same black (fat) pants, colored button-downs and a black v-neck sweater.  So when I doll up, people are like, "whuh?"  I'm almost afraid to dress up at this point because I don't want people to think I'm trying too hard.  Really, I just couldn't fit into my clothes!

 

What am I wearing?  Dark denim pencil skirt, navy blue satin top with cap sleeves (which kind of make me squeamish considering my "club arm;" I almost brought the aforementioned black sweater just in case), nude pantyhose, crimson patent leather pointy-toed mary janes with kitten heels.  I even curled my hair a bit.  Um...I look pretty foxy.

 

It was sunny out when I woke up this morning, so I decided to try a change of pace.  Bring on spring.  Plus, I could fit into all this stuff for the first time in a year, which makes me feel pretty good.  I'mma keep my fingers crossed for my weigh-in tomorrow morning.

 

Where am I going to take this sassy look after work?  Why, to the laundry room, of course; momma's got a date with Mr. Tide and his brother Clorox.  Squeeeee!

 

So there's that,

 

Laura

Grammar Lesson

I loved in grade school when teachers would offer extra credit for finding typos or just plain grammar errors in public settings - mainly because I'm a nerd who likes nothing more than to see people fail at things they should have learned in 3rd grade. Heck, that's why people like reality shows, right?

Well, this one's for my sister, the teacher. Manda, I hope you share this with your class.

From chicagotribune.com

It'll take 2 tries to make Ernie Banks statue right

Mary Schmich

April 2, 2008

'This doesn't have anything to do with an apostrophe, does it?" Lou Cella said when I called Tuesday.

Id like to say it didnt but it did.

Cella, the sculptor who made the lovely new Ernie Banks statue outside Wrigley Field, guessed that I was calling about the apostrophe because he'd gotten a call about it just a little earlier from Jonathon Brandmeier, the morning DJ at WLUP-FM.

He didn't know at first what Brandmeier was talking about.

"What apostrophe?" he thought.

That's how he learned how much trouble can be stirred up by a little '.

Before the Banks statue went on display at Wrigley Monday, many people had inspected it, and they agreed: Mr. Cub, 7 feet and 300 pounds of bat-swinging bronze, looked great.

Cella, who works at the Fine Art Studio of Rotblatt-Amrany in Highwood, had scrutinized the things that mattered most to him as the sculptor.

How was the patina? Excellent. Was the inscription on the correct side of the granite base? Yes, it was. Right down there on Ernie's left it said:

LETS PLAY TWO.

Let us play two. Your 5th-grade teacher taught you this. When you drop a letter between words, you insert an apostrophe. In other words:

LET'S PLAY TWO.

"I'm the sculptor, I'm not a writer," said Cella, sounding good-natured. "I just read it the way I heard it in my head."

So did a lot of the people making pilgrimages to the Banks statue Tuesday. One after another, in the springtime sleet, they idled their cars along Clark Street, hopped out and clicked their cell phone cameras.

See anything wrong?

At least half the people I asked leaned toward the inscription, mouthed it—Lets play two, lets play two, lets play two—then shook their heads, no.

"That's just a nitpicky thing about English," said a guy named Brian when I pointed it out. He declined to give his last name on the grounds that he didn't want to be on the record insulting the Cubs.

Cub fan Ken Royal, on the other hand, would have made his grade-school teacher Mrs. Cassert proud.

"There's an apostrophe missing," he said without hesitation. "Who engraved it? Who did the inspection? All these years to get a statue for him and . . ."

Royal shrugged, and said, almost happily, "That's the Cubs for you."

I went into the Cubs administration office. A secretary made a call on my behalf. A few minutes later, Katelyn Thrall, a Cubs representative, walked in, brusquely stuck out her hand and didn't wait for me to explain.

"We're going to fix it," she said. "That's all I can say."

It's easy to mock the missing apostrophe, but let us show some mercy. We've all been there. We've all suffered through the little error that mars our best work. The tiny error that screams only when it's too late. The error that leaves you wondering how you failed to notice and why someone didn't save you.

Cella, who is 44 and a lifelong Cub fan, had bigger things on his mind. He'd spent three and a half months making the clay sculpture for the statue, working from hundreds of photographs, trying to capture the shape of Banks' nose, the height of his ears.

He'd overseen the elaborate process after that. A rubber mold was made from the clay sculpture. A wax casting was made from the rubber mold. A ceramic mold was put over the wax. The wax was melted and evacuated from the ceramic mold and molten bronze poured into its place.

When the bronze was hard, the statue was hoisted onto its granite base, coated with an acid patina that creates colors in the metal, and finally, covered with a lacquer that will prevent it from turning green.

Cella just didn't notice that the stonecutters at the granite company missed the '.

But by the time the Cubs are back in town, he vows, Ernie Banks will have his apostrophe. It'll take 10 minutes with a grinding tool.

"We'll put in the most beautiful apostrophe you ever saw," he said.

So get those photos of "LETS PLAY TWO" now. They'll be collector's items.

Copyright © 2008, Chicago Tribune

So there's that,

Laura